Fitness Equipment Deathmatch #1

In the tradition of my Nutrition Deathmatches #1 and #2, today’s post compares and contrasts two different pieces of fitness equipment.

First up, the Wellness Belt

To be completely honest, I had never heard of the Wellness Belt until this morning when I heard a commercial for this product while listening to a radio station marketed towards Zoomers.

I could not believe what I was hearing.

According to the commercial, the Wellness Belt is the health breakthrough that every soon to be senior citizen has been waiting for.

Simply by wearing the ultra-fashionable Wellness Belt throughout your day to day activities, you will experience:

  1. Effortless Weight Loss
  2. The Elimination of Back Pain
  3. A Reversal of Osteoporosis
  4. Improved cardio-vascular fitness, a reduction in cholesterol, high blood pressure and a lowered risk of heart attack
  5. Improved posture, reduced back pain, less intense headaches and migraines, increased neck range of motion and elimination of menstrual cramping. People with scoliosis have reported reduced tightness in the spine.
  6. Increased free time as you never have to exercise ever again

Sounds great!!!

How do I get one?

Well, I’ll tell you.

For a limited time, you can save $30 off the regular price!!!

That’s right. For just $167.97 +s/h & applicable taxes, you too can own your very own Wellness Belt.

kettlebellOR for less money, I can buy a set of 6 indestructible exercise bands and a single kettlebell.

With this equipment, I can expect to experience:

  1. Actual Fat Loss
  2. Increased Muscle Mass
  3. Increased Strength
  4. Increased Anaerobic Endurance
  5. Improved Body Image
  6. Improved Sex Appeal
  7. An Improvement in many types of Pain (back, head, neck) caused by Muscular Imbalances
  8. A Potential Improvement in Osteoporosis due to increased Osteoblast production caused by longitudinal loading of the long bones of the body.
  9. Improved Cardio-Vascular Fitness
  10. Increased pride as I know that I earned my new and improved body.


What to do, what to do?

On one hand, I have a product that requires no effort, is unlikely to do anything useful and is only being purchased by the self-deluded and extremely dim-witted.

On the other hand, I have a set of products that are going to require time, effort and buckets of sweat. But in return, I am pretty sure to transform my body into something I can be proud of.

Darn it, I cant decide.

What do you think?


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